🌟What would you do if you weren't afraid? 🌟
Rosacea and the mirror? a turbulent relation for nearly everyone who suffers from this disease. Seeing your reflection of redness your focus goes straight to the areas that are the most red or felt the sorest blanking out your internal beauty and usually turning the reflection of what you see into self-hate, criticism, self-sabotage, feelings of ugliness, disappointment, knocks our confidence, self-worth, sometimes even shame. Wow! what a way to start your day every day.
This was me I would wish, pray, hope, do anything to look in that mirror in the morning and see my face as clear as I could remember it was before all of this.
And this question looking back over my 13 years of suffering. Rosacea made me very fearful. You only had to google Rosacea and it created Fear. The pictures the, No cure, the 'you have to learn to live with this' the 'Your nose will keep swelling until it goes purple and bulbous? I used to think radical things like getting a whole new nose put on to get rid of it - I hated what I saw. I was afraid I would be like this forever with my red face and then what?. It was stealing my life away my joy, my happiness, and had thought of why? hadn't I suffered enough?
AND YES it was true. I had suffered enough but what had I done with all that suffering? I had tried to blank it. I had stuffed it, kept it all inside. Pushing myself to my limits. Overthinking, drinking, Overworking, over-giving, trying to fit in. Hiding behind my smile hoping it would all go away and that I could keep on carrying it around like a huge heavy damaged, broken suitcase.
Rosacea was a reflection of my experiences, my thoughts, no boundaries, grief, mother relationship, ectopic pregnancy, conditioning, childhood, the way I treated myself etc. All of this was layered upon me like a big heavy veil.
Rosacea gave me, offered me, guided me into my courage to ease me out of my fear. I searched everywhere to find someone, something to help me, show me, tell me, how to get myself out of this shit storm. And boy how many years I had wasted looking for my saviour. For the one who was going to save me, heal me and fade my face Me. ME, MYSELF & I.
My transparency, my encouragement is so none of you reading this in this are in this group have to as alone as I did or suffer as I did.
Rosacea will keep you stuck in believing it is some outside force that made your face turn red. But the truth is (my truth) is. I turned my face red. I was the cause. And that sweet realisation that 'there was nothing wrong with me and so much right with me' was the beginning of the best love affair.